Today is July 17th, 2023. Since last Monday my husband and I have been experiencing the trauma that comes with living through a natural disaster. On Monday July 10th our basement took on 4 feet of water. We lost everything that was down there including our heating system and our hot water heater. We have applied for aid from FEMA. I have no idea how long this process takes however. Home owners insurance does not cover any flooding event unless it is an appliance that leaked. By the way, we are not in a flood zone. What we experienced was a massive amount of water on our property long with two neighboring properties from an unnatural pond on another property. There was also water flowing underneath my office space. There was water coming through the barn. We were inundated and powerless to stop it.

One of the scariest moments of my life was when my husband went down into our basement to turn off meters. We then realized that we had no choice but to turn the meters back on to run 4 different pumps to evacuate the water. There is nothing like the moments before your loved one has to do something potentially life threatening. This is when time stops. This is when you hold your breath. This is when you pray that today is not the day your life changes for the worse…more than it already has.

The water drained. We examined. We purchased the necessary items. We cleaned it out. We are continuing to manage water that is still seeping in through the now ruined basement floor. We have made phone calls. We have filled out applications. We held our breath when more rain came two days later. We continue to hold our breath through this hell.

On top of catastrophic flooding I have been sick through all of this. I have E coli. I have been sick since July 5th when two days prior we cleaned up minor flooding in our basement from a storm that dropped two inches of rain in the span of about an hour. The water that came in was dark and dirty. We pumped about 5 inches out at the time. Little did we know at that point what was to come a week later.

Not sure what to do at this point we went to Ludlow to the community center to speak with FEMA. We also had the opportunity to speak with people from various Vermont agencies who were very helpful. When I spoke to the woman at the Vermont Dept of Labor I broke down in a well of tears. I am too sick to work right now. If you know me it takes a lot for me to break down. I am here. I am at the point of falling apart in front of strangers. Sometimes it’s easier. I don’t know who I spoke with but she will forever be an angel in my mind. She was calm when I was not capable of being so.

After we spoke with a few more people we went over to look at supplies. The Red Cross will give you water, shovels, garbage bags, flashlights, cleaning supplies, gloves, tarps. So many helpful things that I’m sure we will use. Then the food shelf. Tables and tables of food and more supplies. I didn’t know what we needed. I didn’t want to take a lot knowing that there are many others also in need. I have never done this before. I don’t know how to do this. Do we just fill bags with what we need? Apparently yes. The only thing I could think of was my daughter and her lunches for camp this week. I was able to stock up on some easy items so that I wouldn’t really have to think about it.

Filling a bag with food in the midst of catastrophe has got to be one of the most surreal experiences of my life and one of the hardest. I had to think when I didn’t want to. I had to focus when all I wanted to do is curl up into a ball and weep. It was one of those moments where I felt five years old. All I really wanted in that moment was my mom. I wanted to not be in this hell. I wanted to sleep until it’s over. I wanted to live somewhere else where this doesn’t happen. And that is not the reality that I currently exist in.

All week long people have been asking how they can help. I can now say that in an emergency it is almost impossible to answer that question. I just have no idea. What I need is recovered income. Things have been tight for a while, now they are even tighter. What I need is a new heating system. What I need is to get better after 12 days of being sick and weak. What I need is to qualify for food stamps & heating assistance, we make too much to qualify. Structurally my home is probably ok but we are looking at extensive work to the basement along with drainage on the property to mitigate something that we can not control: a neighbor’s pond that will always be a threat. What I need is to feel safe in my home. I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know how to fully quantify what I need right now.

I also recognize that in the grand scheme of things we were lucky. Our home is still standing. My business is still operational event though I am physically ill. Many have lost their homes in this flooding. Many have lost their businesses. My job now is to manage what I can manage with regards to phone calls and healing. My job right now is to support others as much as I can with sharing information because I can not physically help anyone. My job is to hug my daughter tomorrow when she comes back to me for the week. My job is to be a supportive wife & partner to my husband who has also worked his tail off in the cleanup and all the phone calls that are on his list. My job right now is to rest & drink fluids. My job right now is to release fear & learn how to find peace again in the sound of falling rain.

My job right now is to pray.

Our job right now is to rise.