Thalassophile – Noun. thalassophile (plural thalassophiles) Someone who loves the sea.

How do you describe a longing so deep that it spans fathoms?

How do you possibly fill the void of desire that can never be quenched?

I stand on the edge of the sand where water meets earth. Looking out towards the vastness where water melts with sky.

In early October I ran away to the ocean. The day was lovely. The sky, a brilliant blue. The sand smooth & supple beneath my feet. The warmth of the sun penetrating my back like the heat from my lover’s body. Watching the undulation of wave after wave. A constant vascilation dictated by a glowing orb in the sky.

Of all my memories the ones that I usually have on repeat in my mind involve the sea. My place of origin is a state with a coastline of bright white sands and rough blue waves the color of my eyes.

At 12 I swam in the North Sea off the coast of England and picked up the smoothest shell that I still sometimes wear around my neck. It is one of my most beloved treasures.

At 24 I walked the cliff edges of Northern Ireland on a day when the water below was turquoise green. On another beach in Ireland I longed to enter the yoni of Gaia as the black stone beckoned. How I wish I could have been a small creature and entered into her cave of wonders. I still ponder what mysteries lie there.

At 31 Scotland showed me the marriage of black sand with white as a waterfall was blown back up onto the cliffs above Talisker Bay.

In my early thirties I brought my daughter to the shores of Rhode Island when she was a baby and a toddler where we had a handful of days filled with wind, endless pebbles, and snack stealing seagulls. We still talk about those seagulls.

At 38 the waters of Hawaii were a lovely warm bath in the midst of a cold, dark, grey winter at home. A beach on the edge of an island in the middle of the Pacific, strewn with palm trees, volcanic stone, and scuttling crabs.

For my 39th birthday Maine gifted me a day of walking a beach filled with feathers & driftwood with my beloved. Then standing in awe as a massive, newly constructed battle ship went by.

This year we went to the beach to celebrate mine and my daughter’s birthdays. The day was perfect. Clear and sunny. The kind of hot that feels exquisite when quenched with waves. I’ve never felt such warmth from the Atlantic as I did on this day. This was a day where the sea winds blew a veil of mist onto the shore so thick that we lost sight of the beach altogether as we walked the length of it. People emerged from the mystery of it as if transcending through time.

After my journey to the sea in August I had a deep desire to know something. What does the ocean look like in the winter? The realization of this unknowing has been gnawing at me. It is a hole in my heart that needs to be filled. My goal is to return sometime in December, then once more in the snowy depths of February or March.

I close this reflection with the lyrics from my favorite song about the sea. This is a piece that rips into my soul like none other. What this song evokes in me accurately portrays the longing in my heart to be near her in all of her rage, her tenderness, her mysteries, and her teachings. When I sit and gaze into her I wonder what it would be like to heed the call of her siren song, walk into her arms, and sleep the sleep of endless ages.

Borders – Kalandra

On the borders of safety
That’s where I find peace
Where the black sand
Meets the raging seas

I see the forces
For what they truly are
Yet, I am reminded
Of my beating heart

Among the lonely rocks is where I lay my head
I hear the ocean calling, “Come with me instead”
She sings me songs of ungrateful souls
Who once thought gods could bring them home

On the borders of safety
That’s where I find peace
Where the black sand
Meets the raging seas

I see the forces
For what they truly are
Yet, I’m reminded
Of my beating heart

And I could swear
That the ocean sings, and the mountains talk to me
I could swear
That I hear her breath, and her heartbeat in the air
I could swear
I could swear

On the edge of comfort
That’s where I find love
And the ocean
Already knows

But she can’t love you
Like you love her
There’s no mercy
From Mother Earth