How do you define love? I have observed that the cultural variances of love are vast. There are many ways to define love. The ancient Greeks identified 8 different types of love. Gary Chapman in his book The Five Love Languages outlines how love can be quantified through behaviors. Love is both a universal concept while being a bespoke expression for each individual. The definition of love that I grew up with was this, “if another person’s wellbeing is as important to you as is your own, no more, no less, then it can be said you love that person.” Pretty simple, pretty straightforward, completely lacking in nuance.

I agree with the ancient Greeks when it comes to love. I see that there is both a universal love that many of us share while each dynamic we have with the people in our lives has its own unique expression. This is something I get to witness firsthand when I walk into someone’s home to give a cancer or a hospice client a massage. Often I’m walking into a home that has a general undercurrent of stress, or sadness, or anticipation. I see this most often with my hospice clients.

Yet, through the veil of sadness I get to witness deeply poignant expressions of love. I’ve seen adult children step powerfully into the role of caregiver for elderly parents. Carving out spaces in their homes to nest their dying parent, sometimes with limited resources. I’ve seen people move home from far off places to provide not just care but also management of a business or properties. It is intensely moving when I arrive at someone’s house and the circle of family has gathered. A person is usually in their last 24 hours when this happens. Their collective love is palpable. This gathering always feels to me like a portal that I’m stepping through. My role is pretty clear when this happens: touch & witness.

Every once in a while a client, whether in my private practice or through my hospice work, comes along and throws an expression of love that passionately challenges my perception of it. Recently, a hospice client has come into my life and blown my heart open to what’s possible in the journey of loving someone. I have never met two people more in love than this husband and wife. They are facing his death with so much courage and faith that it brings me to tears. Together they have shown me what it is to truly be a team in the face of adversity. It is an absolute joy to see them support & care for each other in a language of tender gestures that only they speak. There is a sign in their house that says “I will love you until the day after forever.” I’ve noticed that since the falling apart of my first marriage I’ve become somewhat jaded when it comes to love despite being remarried and being very much in love with my husband. It’s only recently that I have observed this in myself. However, every time I visit this husband & wife a bit of my heart softens, opens, and heals. They may think that I’m the one helping them, but really they are the ones helping me.