It starts with intention. Mine: to come through the fear of what is in my right breast..fear of the unknown…fear of what might be…fear of suffering.

I am empty. I have been following dieta for three days. I have eliminated foods that do not serve as well as behaviors. Since 7:30 the following day I have been empty of all food. I am a hollow vessel. The more hollow the more potent the medicine will be. The more chaste my body the deeper the journey. I am ready.

I arrive. I connect with my hosts. I choose my spot. I sit. I sip ginger tea to help support my stomach. He portions out the mushrooms. Three grams in a bowl. They are beautiful. Stems and caps. The colors of earth. Smooth. Almost weightless. I hold them in my hand. I can already feel a new sense of weightlessness. I place them to my forehead, my heart, my womb. I give thanks for the teachings I am about to receive though I do not know yet what they will be. I place them in my mouth one at a time. They are dry, crunchy, nutty & earthy. I swallow. I am filled.

He leads us in breath work to center & calm. Breath of fire. Breath of life. I begin. Eyes closed. I wait. I begin…to feel & to see inwardly.

Cells. I see cells. I see the inside of myself on a cellular level. I see my blood. I see the alchemy of my genetic code. I travel through my body unit I see “it.” The “it” is the entity in my right breast. The unknown. The mass that is either harmless or deadly. I see it as a green glowing spider like clump in a vast darkness. I am not there to judge it. I am not there to be angry at it. I am simply there to witness it. I accept it. Then the message that comes into my being in the form of a new knowing: it will be ok, it will be ok, it will be ok. I am given this message over and over again until I get it. Until it is abundantly clear that no matter what the outcome it will be ok. I begin to weep in this knowing.

After my weeping I sit as designs of all manner flood my seeing. Motifs of woven interconnectedness in shades of green, blue, red, and colors that I can not describe flow through my vision as I sit in the medicine. Some of these designs swirl, buzz, float, fly, and whizz by. My focus shifts as a new visual starts to take shape. Enormously expressive brown eyes with long lashes. Her brow adorned with cabochon jewels set in gold all around her face. I pull back to see her full glory of trunk & tusks. I bow to her as the all being. I ask her name. My Queen, she responds. I am in awe of her majesty. All I have to do in this moment is see her.

My awareness shifts again. The movement starting in my sacrum as it rises up through my spine. Tongue on my teeth I am aware of my fangs as I swirl my hips. I emerge from the basket in the heat of the day into my new cobra body. I stand erect looking out through my snake eyes onto a landscape of sand and wind. My body feels free of all pain. I gently swivel in the dark as my companions are on their journeys unknown to me. I am aware of needing the bathroom so I crawl unable to walk. I come back to my mat as the journey begins to fade.

I am offered more. Yes. Another three grams. I eat. This time I need water to help get the dryness of the medicine into my body. I sit. I wait. More motifs. I wish I could recall all of them. I see a cave of standing stones. It is dark. The stones have a soft green light emanating from behind them. Knots. Carved Celtic knots everywhere I look. On the walls. On the stones. On the ground. Knots surround me. Knots on pieces of silver that have been cast from raw metal. Knots envelop my being as I take it all in. My host invites me outside. I stand. Barely able to walk. I grab my sweater and my sheepskin that I brought for this journey and walk out onto the porch.

My host is there. I stand next to him in the moonlight. The sky is draped in a haze of organza. The half moon encircled with rainbows. I look away. I begin to weep. I am held in this weeping. I look up again. I know that I am looking at my home. I look away and weep. I look up. The sky is a grid of rainbow connected stars. I look away and weep. I look up. The stars are angels. I look away and weep. I look up. I have a deep sense of knowing that when we die we go home to the stars. I am at peace.

I go inside. I join my companions and my hosts in the living room in front of the fire. Still euphoric. Still amplified in vision though not quite as heightened as before. The fire is warm and welcoming. I chat with my fellow travelers. We laugh. There are three bodyworkers present tonight and two of them start to work on each other. Then it is my turn to receive for a while. I am a malleable piece of clay on the floor while my neck & shoulders receive therapeutic nurturing. We continue to sit and chat into the evening. I keep my eyes closed. Our conversation is recorded in a Celtic knot that is carved into an ever continuing piece of black soapstone.

I am finally ready for food followed by sleep. I don’t sleep well that night. I’m told that is typical. The next morning in the shower I examine my breast & the location of the entity. I feel nothing. No mass. No pain. Nothing. My biopsy is on April 3rd. I approach this upcoming day with curiosity instead of dread. I welcome whatever comes.

My journey was one of letting go, working through, and accepting what is. I am grateful for the teacher of the mushroom and the gift of seeing.