There’s a lot of vitriol flying around on the interwebs right now about the CEO of United Healthcare. There’s a lot of praise, or at least non-criticism, of the person responsible for his death. I’ve been sitting with my response to the whole situation. There are people I like very much who are reposting the memes & various reels about support for the shooter who remains at large. I’ve observed a spectrum of responses from general apathy about the event to downright celebration of both the shooter and the assassination.

My feelings on the situation are inherently black and white & also various shades of grey. Do I support violence as a means to an end? No. Do I support what happened? No. Do I support someone who would commit such an act? No. Do I see that the American healthcare system is deeply deeply flawed to the point where people are dying because of health insurance companies putting profit over people? Yes. Do I understand that historically there have been acts of violence that have lead to reform? Yes, take the Stonewall uprising for example. Do I understand that the citizens of this country are fed up with our lack of affordable & comprehensive health care? Yes.

When I was in Norway this past summer and I needed medical attention I paid a total of around $150 for my trip to the ER and my prescriptions. That included care from two nurses, a Dr, and an X-ray. I was shocked. I knew that Scandinavian countries had socialized healthcare but I didn’t realize that those benefits would extend to me as a tourist. I can tell you there is nothing scarier than being in an ER in a foreign country, except maybe being in an ER in America where unless you’re on medicaid you have no idea if you are about to go into financial ruin because you needed emergency healthcare.

Some of you already know that my origin of faith is Quakerism. This is a faith that eschews violence to the point of being conscientious objectors in the onset of war. One of the tenants of being a Quaker is a commitment non violence. This is something that I have at times struggled with in my spiritual evolution. For a Quaker the ultimate existential question is this: knowing what we know now, if you found yourself in a room with Hitler and you had in your possession a loaded gun, what would you do? I have been sitting with this question since it was first asked of me two decades ago by my father. I’m ashamed to say I still don’t have an answer.

I feel similar to how I felt when the Columbine shooting happened. Especially once the identities and how much bullying the shooters experienced were revealed. As a high school peer counselor and therefore trained in how to support someone who is being bullied I felt a lot of compassion for the boys who committed the shooting. And for the students who lost their lives, and for their families I felt heartbreak. Condemning violence while understanding motive leads to a burdensome quandary.

The only answer I have in the wake of all of this is that people are hurting and in response they are hurting others and nothing can make that ok.